Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
