your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
