I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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