Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
