Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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