i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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