So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
