i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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