I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Im part way to drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
