Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
