i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
