just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
