I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
