i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
