i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
