hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
