And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
