Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
