I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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