i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
