you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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