Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
