nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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