I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
