My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
