Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's never too late to be topless.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I will be naked everywhere
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
