I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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