This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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