I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
