I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
