You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
