Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
