I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
