When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
