Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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