I heard we made out
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
