So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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