If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
