So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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