dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
