There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
