Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
