I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
