Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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