Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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