Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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