Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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