I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
