Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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