I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
