I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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