he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
